


Fighting Love

by orphan_account



Series: Kyman Week 2018 [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: After my last angsty submission, Aged-Up Character(s), And give you guys a laugh, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, Fist Fights, High School, Humor, I thought I'd lightne things up, Jealousy, Kyman Week, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, and this time eric's not a weak ass bitch, basically eric and kyle are gonna throw down, so it gonna be good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 10:59:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15141629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Where Eric thinks that Kyle asked Heidi out to the Senior Prom, Kyle thinks that Heidi had sex with Cartman in his car, and they both get jealous and try to kill each other for it.Wendy, however, just wants to murder them both for ruining her special night.





	Fighting Love

**Author's Note:**

> Day 2: Fight

_"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"_

The students crowded around in a circle, cheering on the blur of punching and kicking between the bruised and bloodied teens. It was a spectacle the likes of which hadn't been seen on Prom Night. What was once a night of fun and romance turned into an incident of vitriolic, hate-filled violence, but instead of being horrified by this rapid escalation of events, everyone there was eating it all up like a pack of hungry hyenas, starving for more action.  
  
Everyone, that was, except for Wendy Testaburger.  
  
"Fuck you Kahl!" Cartman spat out a glob of blood. "Why won't you just fucking die already!?"

Dodging the punch swinging for his head, Kyle grabbed his wrist and pulled, sending a white-knuckled fist into that fat bastard's soft, pudgy stomach.

"Fuck _you_ Cartman! I swear to God, I'm gonna burn this school down with you in it!"

"Not if I do it first, you butt-fucking ginger!" Cartman snarled, recovering from the hit to his middle as he grabbed Kyle by his curly red hair. When the redhead growled in pain, he relished in it.

"Oh no you don't, fatass!" Kyle tried to yank his his head away, scratching at the brunet's eyes.

_**"IF I HAVE IT MY WAY, NEITHER OF YOU ASSHOLES ARE GOING TO DO ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!"** _

Instantly, everything came screeching to a halt. The two froze in place, looking on in horror as a petite figure stomped her way through the shocked crowd.

Wendy, shaking with black rage, yelled at the top of her lungs. "I have _HAD_ it with you two! For months, I've worked my fucking _ASS_ of trying to make this night the best Senior Prom of our lives-"

"Uh, Wendy, actually it'll be the only Senior Prom of our lives-"

"DON'T INTERRUPT ME BUTTERS!" The black haired banshee shrieked.

"Oh hamburgers!" Butters cringed away, fading back into the crowd.

"ANYWAYS, as I was saying before I was so _rudely fucking interrupted_ , the Student Council has been planning for this event for a really, really long time. I've put blood, sweat, and tears into this, all just so that we could have one night, _ONE FUCKING NIGHT_ , of peace. At first, it was all going really well. People were dancing, the music was nice, and so far, I actually thought that we were going to get through this. _**BUT THEN, YOU TWO DICKHEADS SHOWED UP, AND RUINED EVERYTHING!**_ "

Breathing heavily, Wendy stalked towards Kyle and Cartman, who were still paralyzed with fear. "So, now that Prom is officially _**FUCKED OVER**_ , I want to know one, simple little thing: why?"

Cartman gulped, and cleared his throat. "W-Well, you see, Kahl here was being a ho-"

Kyle scoffed at the brunet. "Oh, shut the fuck up Cartman, I didn't do shit! You're the one who caused all of this!"

"Me? You're the one who went and asked out that stupid bitch to Prom!"

"What!?" The ginger's cheeks flushed with anger.

"Don't play coy with me Kahl! I saw it happen with my own two eyes!"

"You goddamn moron, I never asked Heidi out!" Kyle hissed through his teeth. "Besides, you're the one who went and had sex with her in my brand new car!"

Cartman got in his face, poking his finger in the ginger's chest. "Please, I wouldn't touch that skank with a ten foot pole. Stop spreading your sneaky little lies, I can see right through you-"

"Here we go again with the antisemitic remarks. Can you not be a bigot for once in your miserable life-"

"Ay! I didn't say shit about Jews-"

"Oh please, we all know you were thinking it-"

"SHUT UP!"

Wendy snapped, and all was silent once more.

That was, until Kenny raised his hand. "Uh, scuse me for a minute, but I just gotta ask- are you guys really fighting over who screwed that Turner chick?"

Kyle and Cartman both looked at the blond with confusion. "Uh, yes? So what?"

At this, Kenny started wheezing with laughter. "Haha- oh my fucking God- pffft- hahahaha! Shit, this is so funny." He snickered. "I can't believe how stupid you two are."

They both shouted at the same time.

"Ay! Don't call me stupid you poor bastard-"

"Fuck you Kenny, this is none of your goddamn business-"

"I'm the one who had sex with Heidi."

The moment he said this, time was paused. Then, Cartman broke the quiet.

"Aha! I told you, Kahl! You can suck my hairy balls-"

"But- but I found your fucking jacket in my car! You never take off your jacket, why the hell would it be in my car if you didn't have sex with Heidi!?"

"Kinny, being the poor white trailer trash that he is, stole it from me."

Kyle's shoulders drooped. "Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh'! Looks like you're the only ho between the two of us, Kahl."

"Stop calling me a ho, fatass! For the last time, I didn't ask her out-"

Cartman grabbed a fistful of the rehead's shirt. "Then why the fuck were you giving her flowers-"

Kyle shoved at him. "We're both part of the Student Prom Committee, you idiot! She was supposed to set up the flowers. Why the hell do you care, anyways? You're not the one fucking her-"

"THAT'S IT! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING YOU TWO LOSERS ABOUT MY FRIEND LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU ASSHOLES RUINED PROM OVER THIS! GET OUT!"

"But Wendy-"

"OUT! YOU GET OUT OF THIS BUILDING RIGHT NOW, OR I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR SPINES OUT AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROATS!"

She grabbed them by their ears, stiffly walking towards the door as she dragged them behind her. "AND DON'T YOU DARE COME BACK IN!"

Once the doors slammed shut, the duo stared off in a daze. They gave each other an intense look, then, without any warning, they collided against each other, kissing their brains out.

Stan, who was running late, promptly threw up at the scene.

So ended the worst prom night in history.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to lie, I don't think this came out very well. I was writing everything in a rush to get the story in, and I was confused as to what to write for the prompt, so to me, it just looks very sloppy. If you managed to gain some enjoyment out of this mess, good, but it is definitely not one of my best works. Regardless, I'll post it anyways, if only to get some criticism.


End file.
